Chapter 3: Permission to Want What You Want
"Give yourself permission to go after what you want. Because if there's a will, there's a way."
Here's something nobody tells you about clarity:
It doesn't arrive fully formed. It gets excavated.
When I left my library job, I thought I knew what I wanted. I'd spent years developing my skills, building my portfolio, proving myself. I had a Google UX Certificate. I had email campaigns with 67% improvement metrics. I had a track record of turning skeptics into advocates.
What I didn't have? A clear answer to the simplest question: What do you actually want?
Not what would be "realistic." Not what I "should" want based on my experience. Not what would make the most sense to someone reviewing my resume.
What did I actually want?
It took me years to figure out what I want to do and what I'd be the best at.
Years. Not weeks. Not a weekend retreat with a journal and a latte.
The clarity came in layers:
First, I started adding my birth chart analysis to every job evaluation. I made sure my AI thinking partner knew who I was to my core—not just my professional experiences, but my cosmic blueprint. My Virgo sun precision. My Scorpio moon depth. My Cancer rising heart.
Then, I developed a prompt I used before every single application:
"Please look through all the project knowledge and details to make sure you have a full scope of my experience and who I am. According to my birth chart analysis and my professional experience, how do I align with this job on a deeper level? Am I qualified? Is it worth it for me to apply to this job?"
This wasn't about being picky. It was about being strategic. Every application I sent was intentional. I wasn't spray-and-praying—I was discerning.
The result? A 14% interview rate when the industry average is 2%.
My non-negotiables crystallized when I started my Google UX Certificate.
That's when I really started to know—not hope, not wish, but know—that I could make a positive impact on people's lives through digital accessibility. Through making complex things simple. Through helping people who felt left behind by technology feel empowered instead.
The UX certificate didn't give me skills I didn't have. It gave me language for what I'd always been doing.
And then—even after a full year of developing what I thought was my ideal situation—I realized something that changed everything:
I want to be in AI Marketing.
AI wasn't this big of a thing a year ago. I couldn't have predicted this was what I wanted. But once I finally realized it, everything made so much more sense. My bridge-building skills. My ability to translate complex technology into accessible experiences. My patience with people who feel intimidated by new tools.
The clarity didn't come from sitting still. It came from moving—and paying attention to what felt right along the way.
Here's what I've learned about finding your superpower:
It usually lives at an intersection.
For me, that intersection is technical skills + emotional intelligence. The ability to understand data AND the humans behind the data. The patience to teach someone new technology without making them feel stupid. The vision to see how systems could work better AND the empathy to understand why change is scary.
Your intersection will be different. But I promise you have one.
And finding it requires excavation. Layer by layer. Year by year, sometimes. Permission slip by permission slip.
The hardest non-negotiable to defend?
To others: fully remote work.
People push back on this one. "Aren't you limiting your options?" "Don't you miss the office energy?" "How will you advance without face time?"
But here's what they don't understand: I didn't pull this non-negotiable out of thin air. I learned it from experience. I know how I work best. I know what environments allow me to thrive versus merely survive.
Fully remote isn't about comfort. It's about performance. I produce my best work when I have control over my environment. When I can structure my day around my energy cycles. When I'm not spending hours commuting that could be spent creating.
To myself? The hardest non-negotiable to defend is self-doubt.
Even now, eleven months into this search, I still have moments where I wonder: Am I asking for too much? Should I just take something "realistic"?
The answer is always no. Because I've done the work. I know what I need. And settling for less than that isn't realistic—it's self-betrayal.
What made it possible for me to hold out for what I wanted?
Infrastructure. Not luck—infrastructure.
My family foundation: 25+ years of watching my parents build Rolling Green Turf Care. Watching them treat every customer the way they'd want to be treated. Learning that you can build something that lasts when you lead with integrity.
My therapist Judy, twice a week, helping me untangle the eldest-daughter patterns and the self-sacrifice habits and the fear of asking for what I actually want.
Jeremy's unconditional love. 3,273+ days together. The person who never once asked me to shrink, to settle, to be "realistic." Who sees my vision even when I lose sight of it.
The privilege of digital nativity—growing up with technology as a second language, not a foreign one. The privilege of time—having savings and family support that allowed me to wait for the right opportunity.
Not everyone has all of these. But everyone has something. And part of this work is identifying what infrastructure supports you—and what you still need to build.
Through all of this refinement, one thing stayed constant:
Make a positive impact on people's lives.
Simple enough to hold onto while the how evolved. Specific enough to guide decisions. Expansive enough to accommodate growth.
The job titles changed. The industries I explored shifted. The specific skills I wanted to use evolved. But the north star? That stayed the same.
Your north star might be different. Maybe it's "create beautiful things." Maybe it's "solve complex problems." Maybe it's "help people feel less alone."
Whatever it is, find it. Name it. Write it somewhere you'll see it when the doubts creep in.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped looking for a job and started building a life.
I learned to be the creative director of my own life—not someone else's company.
I learned to separate my identity from my job title. I am Maria—the bridge-builder, the patient catalyst, the eldest daughter who's learning to put herself first—whether I'm employed or not.
I learned that leaving places better than I found them applies to my own life too. I can leave toxic situations. I can release beliefs that don't serve me. I can move on from identities I've outgrown.
And I learned—really learned—that I'm not just trying to find a job.
I'm building a life.
So here's my permission to you:
Wait as long as you can.
Give yourself permission to go after what you want. Because if there's a will, there's a way.
It's situational—I know that. Not everyone has the same runway, the same support systems, the same circumstances.
But the earlier you start planning out what your dreams are, and establishing who you are to your core despite what the rest of the world thinks about you—the more successful you can be in making your dreams come true.
That's not toxic positivity. That's strategy.
Know yourself. Trust your intuition. Build your infrastructure. Keep your north star in sight.
And give yourself permission—over and over again, as many times as you need—to want what you actually want.
You're not asking for too much. You're finally asking for enough.
YOUR TURN: The Non-Negotiables Framework
Use this framework to clarify what you actually want. Be honest. Be specific. Be unapologetic.
AI Prompt to Use:
"Help me clarify what I actually want in my next role. Based on what I've shared about my experiences, values, and what energizes vs. drains me, what patterns do you see? What non-negotiables should I be considering? Help me distinguish between what I've been told to want and what I actually want."
Maria's 10 Core Values (For Reference):
1. Care and connection over competitiveness
2. Authentic alignment — integrity over convenience
3. Inclusive accessibility
4. Meaningful impact
5. Collaborative excellence
6. Authentic wisdom
7. Quality over quantity
8. Community building
9. Sustainable balance
10. Financial security
Your Non-Negotiables Framework:
MUST-HAVES (Deal-breakers — walk away if missing):
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________
4. _________________________________________________
STRONG PREFERENCES (Important but negotiable):
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________
NICE-TO-HAVES (Bonus features):
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________
ABSOLUTE NO'S (Walk-away criteria):
1. _________________________________________________
2. _________________________________________________
3. _________________________________________________
Your North Star:
What's the through-line? The mission that stays constant even as the "how" evolves?
My north star is: _________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________
Remember: Your non-negotiables aren't being picky—they're being protective. They're honoring what you've learned about what you need to thrive.
Trust yourself. You've done the work. You know what you need.
Now give yourself permission to go get it.
