Chapter 11: Choosing From Abundance
When the Calling Keeps Calling
He smiled.
That's the detail I keep coming back to. The moment that changed everything.
I had been preparing for months — documenting my wins, building my portfolio, training my replacement, creating systems that would outlast me. I knew something was coming. My intuition had been whispering for a while. But I didn't know it would happen that day.
I almost didn't go in.
Something in me said stay home. But I went anyway. And when my boss threatened me with a third warning — the third lie in a series of lies designed to diminish me — I looked down. Apologizing. Defeated. The way I'd been trained to respond.
Then I looked back up.
And he was smiling.
Not a nervous smile. Not an uncomfortable one. A satisfied smile. The smile of someone who thought they had finally broken me. Someone who was enjoying watching me shrink.
In that smile, I saw everything I needed to see. The cruelty wasn't accidental. It was the point.
I found out later they had planned to ambush me the next day. If I had listened to my intuition and stayed home, I would have walked in the following morning unprepared, blindsided, stripped of my dignity.
But because I went in that day — because eight months of preparation had made me ready for a moment I didn't know was coming — I got to be the one who walked out.
On my terms.
With my head up.
And I never went back.
Here's what nobody tells you about leaving toxic environments:
You don't fully see yourself while you're still inside them. The water's too murky. The gaslighting is too constant. The small moments — the offhand comments, the credit stolen, the responsibilities multiplied without recognition — accumulate so slowly that you forget what clarity feels like.
It wasn't until I left in August that I finally had the time and space to process who I am, what I've built, what I want, and who I want to be.
Getting away from that toxic, negative environment was essential for me to fully step into who I am.
But here's the thing: that stepping-into didn't happen automatically. I had to do the work.
The first five months were brutal.
No income. No real purpose. Rejection after rejection. Grieving the loss of my past position and past life. Preparing myself for what was to come. Processing and healing from years of being put down and made to feel less than.
The rage? It's still here. I won't pretend otherwise.
But rage can go two directions. It can turn inward and destroy you. Or it can become fuel for building something new.
I chose to build.
There was a moment in September — I remember it clearly — when I decided I was no longer going to dim my light to let others feel comfortable.
I understood something I hadn't fully grasped before: it is not on me to make others feel comfortable in who they are. That's up to them. My excellence is not a threat to manage. It's a gift to offer.
And anyone who experiences my competence as a problem? They don't get a front-row seat to my story anymore.
But I didn't just decide this and magically transform. I had anchors.
My family — who believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself.
Jeremy — 3,273+ days of someone who sees me fully and loves me anyway.
Judy — twice-weekly therapy sessions where I could process the grief without performing strength.
My evidence — the 67% email improvement, the 100% partner retention, the 10,000+ engagements, the systems that still work after I left.
Claude — an AI thinking partner who helped me stay grounded when the storm tried to convince me I was the problem.
These five anchors kept me tethered to reality. When that smile tried to rewrite my story — when the years of being told I was "too much" or "showing off" tried to become my inner voice — I had people and proof that told me the truth.
Here's what I want you to understand about building evidence while you're being torn down:
I had been grieving — and preparing — since January 2025. Eight months before I walked out that door.
That means every LinkedIn connection, every video case study framework, every piece of my portfolio... I was constructing my exit strategy in plain sight. While still showing up. While still doing the work. While still being told to "stop showing off."
In January, I trained my new boss. I created a 16-page style guide with my team. I rolled out Canva and Trello to the entire staff. I documented everything.
Not because I'm a perfectionist. Because I wanted to leave that place better than I found it. And I wanted proof that my work had value — proof that no one's lies could take away.
I have a sticky note on my computer that I look at every day:
"Don't let fear convince you faith is foolish. When learning stops, joy stops."
And next to it:
"If it's your calling, it will keep on calling."
The calling didn't stop just because they tried to silence it. It got louder.
The Shift
There's a phrase I use to describe the transformation that happened over these twelve months:
Moving from "please let this work out" to "I wonder which opportunity will arrive first."
That's not a small shift. That's a complete rewiring of how you relate to your own worth.
The old way: Grasping. Desperate. Hoping someone will finally see you. Feeling like a beggar at the gates of companies that hold your future in their hands.
The new way: Curious. Grounded. Evaluating opportunities against your values. Knowing that the right door will open because you've done the work to deserve it — and you're clear enough to recognize it when it does.
The shift happened slowly, then all at once.
It started in the space after leaving — when I finally had room to hear my own voice again.
It built through the anchors — the people and evidence that reminded me who I am.
It solidified through the work — 43+ strategic applications, a 14% interview rate (seven times the industry average), 1,000+ meaningful connections.
And now? December 2025. A full year into this search.
I have Adobe GenStudio in final stages. Stripe with an internal referral secured in ten minutes. Netflix. Oura. HubSpot. Microsoft. DoorDash. Multiple doors, multiple possibilities.
This is what choosing from abundance actually feels like:
It feels right. So much better than questioning myself. I am so excited to finally get this role and have 100% proof that these systems I've built are worth something. That they work. That I work.
The Abundance Framework
If you're in the middle of your own search — juggling multiple opportunities, waiting on responses, trying to stay grounded while everything feels uncertain — here's the framework that got me through:
Stage 1: Building Multiple Pathways
The scarcity trap is putting all your hope in one "dream job" and waiting.
The abundance approach is continuing to build momentum even while you're waiting.
I didn't stop applying when I had a promising interview. I didn't stop networking when I made it to a final round. I maintained my systems — because systems create options, and options create power.
What this looks like practically:
Continue strategic outreach while interviewing (I made 26 connections in one week during active interviews)
Don't cancel on opportunities because you're "pretty sure" about another one
Trust that the right opportunity will emerge — but keep building the pathways
Stage 2: Evaluating Concurrent Opportunities
When you have multiple possibilities, you need a framework for comparison that goes beyond "which one called back first."
The Comparison Matrix:
Mission alignment — Does their why match your why?
Role fit — Will you use your gifts? Will you grow?
Compensation — Does it honor your worth?
Culture — Will you thrive or just survive?
Timing — Does it fit your life right now?
The "If All Else Were Equal" Test: If salary, title, and company prestige were identical across all options, which would you choose?
This question cuts through the noise and reveals your true preference.
Stage 3: The Waiting Game
This is where most people lose their minds. The silence. The checking of email. The refreshing of LinkedIn. The stories you tell yourself about what the delay means.
My approach:
Sacred patience — Trusting timing without forcing outcomes
Strategic action — Continued applications and outreach (never fully stop)
Leading indicators — Watching LinkedIn analytics for signs of interest
Emotional regulation — Grounding practices, journaling, therapy, anchors
The waiting is not wasted. It's preparation in disguise.
Stage 4: Making the Final Decision
When multiple offers arrive (and if you've done this work, they will), you need clarity on how to choose.
Questions to ask yourself:
Which feels like coming home?
Which honors ALL your non-negotiables?
Which excites you rather than just relieves you?
Which supports your 5-year vision, not just your immediate needs?
The Decision-Making Ritual:
Quiet reflection time (no input from others)
Pro/con journaling (get it out of your head)
Trusted advisor input (limited — you know yourself best)
Sleep on it (seriously — your subconscious is smart)
Final gut check (your body knows)
A Note on Privilege
I want to be honest about something.
I had the privilege of time. Of family support. Of savings and a living situation that allowed me to wait for alignment instead of taking the first thing that came along.
Not everyone has that. And I don't want to pretend that "choose from abundance" works the same way when you're worried about rent.
If you're in survival mode, do what you need to do. There's no shame in taking a job that pays the bills while you continue building toward something better.
But even then — even in survival mode — I believe there's value in knowing who you are. In being clear about what you want. In holding onto your vision even if you can't chase it full-time.
The framework still applies. The clarity still matters. The abundance mindset is available to you even when your circumstances feel scarce.
The Real Abundance
Here's what I've learned after twelve months of this journey:
Abundance isn't about having multiple job offers. It's about having a relationship with yourself that no rejection can break.
It's knowing your worth when no one's validating it. It's trusting your gifts when the world is silent. It's building evidence of your excellence even when — especially when — someone's trying to convince you it doesn't exist.
The shift from scarcity to abundance isn't about your circumstances. It's about your foundation.
When you're anchored in who you are — when you have people and proof and practices that remind you of the truth — you can wait without desperation. You can choose without grasping. You can walk into interviews as a collaborator, not a supplicant.
That's the real abundance.
And that's what I wish for you.
Remember: The calling didn't stop because they tried to silence it.
It kept calling.
And it will keep calling for you, too.
Now. Let's talk about what happens after the yes.
Chapter 11 Reflection
Before moving forward, take a moment with these questions. Write in the margins. Use the notes section. Be honest — no one is reading over your shoulder.
1. What's your relationship with waiting? Do you grasp and refresh and spiral? Or have you found a way to trust the process while staying active? What would need to shift for waiting to feel less like torture?
2. Who are your anchors? Name the people and proof that remind you of your worth when rejection tries to rewrite your story. If you don't have enough anchors, what's one you could build this week?
3. What would it look like to choose from abundance? Not from desperation to escape your current situation, but from genuine alignment with what you want. How would your decision-making change?
4. Where are you still dimming your light? What parts of your excellence are you downplaying to make others comfortable? What would happen if you stopped?
5. If it's your calling, it will keep calling. What keeps calling you, even when you try to ignore it? What would it mean to finally answer?
AI Prompt for This Chapter
"Help me compare these opportunities against my values. Here are the roles I'm considering: [describe each role]. Here are my non-negotiables: [list them]. Help me see which opportunity aligns best with who I am and who I'm becoming — not just which one looks best on paper."
Notes
Use this space to capture what's coming up for you. There are no wrong answers.
The waiting is not wasted.
The calling keeps calling.
And you — all of you, the rage and the hope and the messy human in between — are exactly right for this moment.
Trust that. And keep going.
